by Kim Asseily

August 2020

I am heartbroken. I am numb. I am angry. I feel betrayed. As do all of my Lebanese brothers and sisters in Lebanon and around the world.

I am at a loss for words, yet I have so much to say.

Don’t ever come back. Don’t ever come back. Don’t ever come back. I hear the words echo from the mouths of my friends and family in Beirut. Don’t ever come back.

I am angry at the incompetency, greediness, lack of empathy, lack of human decency, lack of HUMANITY, lack of thoughtfulness, and abundance of hunger for ultimate power and total control that this government has shown in the last 40 years, and especially in the last 10 months.

Don’t ever come back. Don’t ever come back. Don’t ever come back.

I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there when the explosion happened. I wasn’t there when homes were destroyed. I wasn’t there when my friends and family had to thread through glass to get to any hospital that would take them. I wasn’t there. But I am.

Every Lebanese who has lost their life, every Lebanese who has lost a loved one, every Lebanese who has lost their home, every Lebanese who has had to flee the country in pursuit of a better life, every Lebanese who has had to leave loved ones behind, EVERY Lebanese was there. Every Lebanese IS there.

How did we end up here? We’ve been going through a living hell for 40 years. Lebanon has been suffering from economic collapse, an incapable ruling class, COVID-19, severe unemployment rates, lack of clean water and proper waste management, electricity shortages, and was already on the brink of famine. We took it to the streets. We did everything right. We went to the streets and kept it peaceful despite being attacked, we signed petitions, we turned our suffering into art, we appealed to the United Nations, we demanded our government resign. We did everything right, and yet…

What happened last night couldn’t have been replicated by the greatest apocalyptic sci-fi CGI. Last night’s explosion was a result of the tyranny inflicted by the warlords ruling this country.

Last night, Beirut told us enough was enough. Last night, she was asphyxiated. Last night, she saw her people shed tears. Last night, she saw her people mourn their city, their homes, their friends, their family. Last night, she saw her people shed their blood. Last night, she witnessed her people roam around in despair, in agony, and in grief. Last night, she lost her people.

Last night, Beirut showed us who we really are. Egos, pride, and vanity were forgotten. Left to their own demise. Solidarity, empathy, resilience came flowing through like a river after a heavy rainfall. People opened their homes to those who had lost theirs, dove headfirst into the ashes to help those who needed it the most. Beirut will rise. Beirut will rise back from its ashes. Beirut will rise because she has taught her people resilience. Beirut will rise because she has taught her people empathy. Beirut will rise because she has taught her people to treat each other as brother and sister. Beirut will rise.

In the face of all adversity, Beirut will rise. In the face of all hatred she has experienced from the chaos and tyranny of the ruling class, Beirut will rise. She will rise and with her so will all of Lebanon. I am proud to be Lebanese. I am proud of who I am because I am Lebanese. I am proud of being Lebanese because we never let the feeling of helplessness deter us. We will never feel truly helpless. You can kick us out, you can tear out our limbs, you can kill us, but we will always be back. We will never back down. There is always a way. Always. Resourcefulness and resilience are in our DNA. No one can ever take that away from us, no matter how hard they try.

To all my Lebanese, you are the strongest, kindest, most courageous, and most brilliant people I have ever met. You have carried us through countless wars, economic collapse, and now the most devastating tragedy our country has ever experienced. But you will prevail. Justice will prevail. We will get our country back. Let us keep our heads held high. Let us show the world what we’re made of.

Let us make it so we never have to hear or say the words “don’t ever come back” again.

*Title Credit: IG @walaafarhat_